Editing
by 17Aaron13
Summary: Letz tries to save himself from OOCness and fangirls.


Letz Shake is sitting on a chair, a glass in his right hand, looking the part of a fearsome duke who wants to read a book to his frightened guests.

At least, he _would _look like that, if he wasn't dressed in black leather. Or if there wasn't beer in the glass he twirled about evilly. And, in the end, it doesn't help that there aren't any guests in the house.

He smiles, expression hidden by his scarf.

"_Guten tag_, mein little idiots."

Helter Skelter comes out from his safe place behind the chair, perplexed. "Letz? Whom were you talking to?" He stops, befuddled, before adding, "And why do you look like a bondage slave?"

"Driftah'!" screams Letz, at first frightened, then turning enraged. "Vhy zee fuck you vere behind mein chair?! Bad Driftah'! _Raus!_"

The poor albino hides in his spot, just in time to dodge a chain that Letz used as a makeshift whip.

Shake mutters something, clearly annoyed, then returns to sit on his chair, smiling like nothing happened.

"I think you know me, _mein_ lofely morons. You vouldn't look zis, if you didn't know me," he stops for a seconds, frowning. "I… think. You Americans are pretty weird. Like zat moon thing- zee first moon thing, not zee more recent 'American moon base' thing."

He stops a second time, half chuckling, not knowing at all if he has to be amused or bothered. "Please, tell me zat you vere just kidding."

He shakes his head, "Hovefah', I vas talking about zee all 'go to zee moon' thing'. Vhat a lame excuse is ''cause it's zere'? I did live near a lake, vhen youngah', but I didn't jump in it 'cause it 'vas zere'."

He sighs, rather irritated, then growls. "And vee vant to talk about your ridiculous health care?!"

"Letz…" the albino's voice is rather broken, but he does not dare to come out from his spot. "It's… really uncomfortable, here."

"Driftah'…" Letz does a theatrical pause, before adding a cold "I don't care."

Letz turns again to his invisible audience, but he doesn't remember what he was saying. He stares into space a few seconds, uncertain of what he's supposed to do, then snaps his fingers, suddenly enlightened.

"Oh ja! You know me. Unt you know zat I vas in zee game just for a minute. A shame, a real shame… but I'm not here for zat. I'm here 'cause I'm a rathah' popular charactah'." He takes a deep breath, almost shining in pride, before continuing.

"Zee reason is pretty obvious." He chuckles, childlike happiness apparent, then he returns abruptly to himself. "But, uh. I vas in zee game for… a minute. You know vhat it means?"

He waits for some seconds, in silence, then nods, seriously.

"Exactly. Zis means…" he leans forward, in a dramatic style. "Zat fangirls vill make me OOC. Really OOC. In fact, I'm afraid zat some fangirls vill say zat mein real name's 'Gary Stu.'"

Letz shakes at the only thought: if there's something that he can't stand, it's somebody who tries to change his character- his pure _legend_. They could kill him, if they wanted so, but the world had to remember him exactly for what he was.

"Uh…" Helter dares to poke his head from his safe spot, "So… it's a problem for me too, right?"

Letz seems shocked by the only thought. "Vhat?! You don't hafe a charactah'! You don't efen hafe a voice! In fact, Helter, I don't efen hear you!"

"But…"

"_You don't exist!"_

Helter doesn't talk anymore, so Letz once again resumes his cheerful mood. "Zo! Today vee talk about romance!"

He drinks the last of his beer before throwing the glass behind him; Helter whimpers, but has enough good sense to restrain himself. Letz barely notices him.

"I'll begin vith zee female ones. Zo, Shinobu. She's eighteen, zo in high school." He barely winces at the last two words. "I hafe seen enough sugary American films to know about your disgusting school parties. You know, romantic dance, punch unt, _Oh Mein Gott_! Queen of zee party! Romantic kiss! Crown! Oooh, I'm zo gonna cry! _Mein_ desire is peace for all makind und zee vorld, _oooh!_"

Letz looks like he's going to puke, but he, for the umpteenth time in ten minutes, restrains himself.

"First. Vee are talking about _Santa Destroy High School_. I hardly see a party going on there, unt obviously there's no such a thing like 'dances' or 'queens of zee party' or… vathefah' you call it. Second."

He narrows his eyes in a homicidal stare. "No. Fucking. Vay. I could. Possibly. Be. There. Not efen for zee love of Sid Vicious."

Letz smiles, sure that everyone has understood the message, then continues.

"Holly! She's a lofely girl. Hovefah', there's no vay zat vee could fall in lofe. I mean, vhat? While looking out at the sunset during twilight I'll understand zat I vant to kiss her?" He does a brief, sarcastic chuckle. "Trust me. 'Kiss' is an euphemism."

He stares for some seconds, in silence, before blush and add a quick "I, uh, guess. Ja." He mutters something under his breath sheepishly, but before Helter could think to ask something of it he returns to talking to air.

"Baaaad Girl!" he says, far too cheerfully to appear normal. "Vell, vee don't hafe anything in common! Nothing, nothing! _Niiichts_!"

Helter comes out of his spot, too amused to actually think at how dangerous something like that could be. "Oh yeah, nothing at all, not counting the love for beer and a hard-on for BDSM?"

If a look could kill, Helter would already be in Hell. "Return to your place, slafe, or I'll vhip you vith _mein_ chain."

"Yes, master…" murmured The Drifter, curling into the fetal position in fear.

"Zhen! I don't efen vant to consider zee idea of me unt Speed Bustah'. Zee voman reminds me of mein granny."

And not thinking twice about it, The Drifter forgets his fear and jumps again out of his spot, scowling. "You have a grandmother?" He asked incredulously.

Letz Shake turns to him, too surprised by the question to snap again. "Vhat a lame question is zat? Of course I hafe a grandmother!"

The Drifter returns to cuddle up, not asking.

"Hovefah'," Says Letz, forgetting about the albino, "Now's time to talk about your so called 'yaoi.' First: I'm not gay. No. I'm not." He glares, frowning. "No. I'm. Not."

Helter chuckles behind the chair, but Letz ignores him.

"But, just in case. I doubt zat something could possibly happen between me and zee Count. He's British. He's asexual. Vait… vhat do you Yankee think about British people?"

"That they're faggots."

"_Scheisse_." Letz stares for a moment, annoyed. "You Americans are pretty racist."

Helter groans in pain, not daring to answer.

"Anyvay, Dr. Peace. Zee only thought makes me shiver. I mean, I don't… efen know how vould it vork."

The Drifter chuckles, but Letz ignores him a second time, just short of brandishing his chain.

"Destroyman." He bursts into maniacal laughter, just to stop abruptly with a curt "No."

"Why?"

Letz opens his mouth for answer, but then he understands that was Helter the one who talked: he turns to him, both frightened and surprised, not daring to talk.

"I mean," says the albino, "you two are a nice couple. If you think in terms of rape."

The poor Singaporean is so shocked that can't even bring the chain and hit the man: he just stares at him, while the albino blushes, finally understanding what a horrible mistake he had just made.

"Please, Letz," Helter whines, afraid, "I-it's just that… I was in the game for five seconds, and… I needed to keep myself busy…"

He stops, blushing again, and hides in his spot while Letz still looks at the place where he stood, speechless. The Singaporean stares blankly for minutes on end, his mind shocked to the point that it wasn't bound to do him well before returning to his original position, trying to act as if nothing ever happened.

"I…" Letz tries to overcome the trauma, not really knowing what he's supposed to say. "Uh… Harvey… I…"

He shivers, shaken. "Dark… Dark Star. He… He continues to tell me zat he's my father. Vhich… scares me. A lot."

"Why?"

Letz shivers: now he can't even stand to hear Helter says 'why'. "'Cause it's creepy, Driftah'. Unt 'cause zat phrase ruins efery romanticism."

Helter chuckles. "'Ruins romanticism?' Ooh, don't you feel the looove?"

"_Enough!"_ Letz finally flips out: he turns to the albino, who's too surprised to be afraid, and grabs him by his hair.

"You naughty boy! _You're zo going to pay_!"

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This is so stupid that I'm ashamed by myself. Please forgive my idiocy.

Why this thing? Is… complicated. Really complicated.

I did joke about a story I did, about Holly and Letz, but… hm… I pretty much made up the rest. Ja ja.

I oh so have to stop to think at Letz who enjoys BDSM. STOP IT!

Ah-ehm: thanks to Silvite. There were some errors that made me shiver… the fact is, I send you this things, usually, when for you is day- which means that here is, like, two in the morning. So, when the day after I see what I wrote, I feel so ashamed that I would jump out of the window. But, yeah.  
And thanks! I hope that, madness and idiocy apart, you did enjoy this. 'cause, if you didn't, them I'm a horrible monster.


End file.
